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movie suckoffs


Murkworks Movie Suckoff 2013: SHARKNADO!

Yes, O Internets, I’m a week late to the mighty supernova of wretchedness that is Sharknado–but this is what happens when my supervillain and I have scheduling conflicts! But tonight, OH MY YES, we will be making up for that in spades. The finest snarkers in the Greater Puget Sound Metropolitan Area will be gathering at the Murkworks tonight for a truly special event: the very first Murkworks Movie Suckoff which is not, repeat, NOT prefaced by my having surgery of any kind! You may imagine my deep satisfaction at this, because it means I get to get into the cider and Sortilege instead!

“But Anna,” I hear you cry, “what movie could possibly be worthy of going up against Sharknado in a Suckoff?! Will it even matter? Because for fuck’s sake, sharks in a tornado!”

DAMN GOOD QUESTION! Tonight we shall go either with Atomic Twister or Deep Blue Sea, depending on which we can find for rent! We’ll either have more sharky, snarky goodness, OR, we’ll have an atomic tornado! Either way, it promises to be spectacularly awful. And tonight, by 7pm Pacific time, I’ll be announcing in this very post who our lucky, lucky challenger is going to be. Moreover, I will be updating this post with commentary as it happens!

Stand by, my friends, et mes amis d’Internet, until the snark commences!

ETA 7:49pm: And OUR CHALLENGER, ladies and gentlemen: Deep Blue Sea! (Not to be confused with Great Big Sea!) All hands are on deck and we are about to be drinking drinks called Tornados. Which include dark rum, passion fruit rum, pineapple juice, and grenadine!

Look behind the fold for more!

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Dental surgery–and today’s Murkworks Movie Suckoff!

Went in to see my new dentist for gum graft surgery today, which is because I’ve got a few spots in my mouth where the gums have pulled back enough to expose the roots of my teeth. This has caused me all sorts of sensitivity issues, and my new dentist’s recommendation was that we do some simple gum graft surgery–not only to return protection to the affected teeth, but also to prevent the problem from worsening as I grow older.

I’ve had work done on one side of my mouth today, and some time next year, we’ll be doing the other side. Then the problem will be done and dealt with.

Fortunately the procedure was pretty simple. I had to show up an hour early for my 9am appointment, at which point they had me take a tablet of Triazolam, and hang out waiting for the succeeding hour. I noted with interest that about twenty minutes in, I started feeling slightly drunk. And between that and how they gave me nitrous during the actual procedure, I went almost right out. I had massive time compression, and pretty much remember only the doctor asking me to turn my head a couple of times–and then the nurse was taking the gas mask off of me and I was mumbling, “Whuh? Are we done?”

They gave me four, count ’em, four different prescriptions to go pick up after–some Vicodin, some prescription-strength Motrin, this mouth rinse I’m supposed to use in lieu of brushing my teeth for the next few days, and some amoxycillin as well. They told me to rest a lot today, with my head elevated, which I’ve been doing in between doing the latest Murkworks Movie Suckoff! And I figure I’m going to pretty much be zzzzzzz for the rest of the weekend. By Monday though I should be fine, and should be able to use the prescription-strength Motrin during the day if I need it, and hold the rest of the Vicodin for the evenings. I’m supposed to come back on the 15th to have stitches out, and that will be that until next year, when we do this again to the other side of my mouth.

As for the Movie Suckoff, I report to my chagrin that we were unable to find Deep Blue Sea on Paul’s Netflix account! So we swamped it out for Empire of the Ants, a 70’s Bert I. Gordon schlockfest, notably featuring Joan Collins. We did still get 2-Headed Shark Attack, though! I got really sleepy during the shark flick and had to come back and watch the rest of it later, but once that was done, Dara and I decided that Empire of the Ants definitely sucked more. It committed the crime of starting off being stultifyingly boring, mostly! At least in 2-Headed Shark Attack, you got to see things blow up.

There may be a second Suckoff tomorrow depending on if I’m feeling up for it. More on this as it happens, Internets!


Bring out your crap, redux

It has been proposed to me by userinfostickmaker, O Internets, that a little Danish flick called Reptilicus is a potential candidate for a future Murkworks Movie Suckoff! Inspection of this flick’s IMDB entry shows promise.

But for a proper, truly well executed Movie Suckoff, my friends, we require another vital component: a Sci-Fi Pictures Original, ideally in theme with this movie, to compete!

So I put it to you: name me your titles! What’s a good Sci-Fi Pictures Original Crapfest we could put this movie up against?